I have a beautiful story to share with you today. I often find through the experience of negativity we actually find positivity. I don’t yet completely understand why we need to experience the down sides of life in order to experience the joyous sides. Apart from perhaps the power of learning through experience and inner growth. Yesterday I learnt first hand that no matter how low, troubled, frustrated or scattered you’re feeling, there will always be beauty everywhere you look. And with that external influence of natural beauty embracing you, in turn you too can turn a dark place into one of light and natural beauty.
Do you ever just have those days that take you by complete surprise? Surprise at the emotion and inner reflection, awoken memories and state of confusion you’re feeling. I was having a really happy-go-lucky week which began with hanging out with my little munchkins at home on Monday playing, laughing, cuddling, talking. On Tuesday the 3 of us had a catch up with one of our dearest friends. The boys played and us Mama’s shared, embraced, laughed, confided. Monday and Tuesday night I got stuck into my lessons and exercises for Hello Soul Hello Business and was full of excitement, dreaming, ambition, positivity, and soulful confidence. I went to bed that night with sweet smiles anticipating my day ahead as I’d planned to paint after my morning’s chores and errands.
Once I got into my studio; music on, sun shining through my window, surrounded by natural inspiration and my art work, I actually found I was feeling quite lost. I desperately wanted to throw myself into my painting and just allow what was within to be expressed creatively without thought as I usually would. But, I was just feeling heavy, glum, stiff. I even danced around (no one was home) with the music up loud, trying to ease, unravel, and free the blockage I was feeling. This I’d never felt before, certainly not when I had time to paint and wanted to paint. I loved to paint. Painting was my freedom, my creative unleashing of my inner self, it was intuitive, unbounded, and joyful. So why was it not happening?!
Now in reflection, I actually think I was too in my head. My heart and soul had been left out and therefore that inner connection that normally occurs naturally when I paint just wasn’t there, resulting in lack of spontaneous, free-flowing, natural, instinctual, creative inner expression. All I could do was dabble. I pottered about, spilt ink, dropped my palette full of paint on the floor! Yes I was rattled. I did this for 3 hours.
I felt completely out of my body. It was like I was observing myself. So after some unnecessary wastage and mess making, I thought well there’s no point diving in to a piece at the moment as I just feel it won’t be fluid and inspiring. So, I decided to just work on the mini canvases that I had about. All I could do was make my marks and do a little pattern work as a detailed layer to these, as I tried to unravel what was going on in my head and begin to re-connect to my heart and body again. I even limited my colour palette (something I never do) as I thought today it’ll just turn to mud if I don’t!
In the last half hour I noticed a painting that had sat for some months. It was full of light, colour and joy. I picked it up and thought I just want to finish you and you can be my inspiration for the day. I didn’t even hesitate with this. Maybe the mark making and mess had unblocked some of the road blocks I’d been feeling. I love the colours in this piece and thought I just want to connect them in some way. I want to encourage your eye to move across the canvas to experience the joy in every one of these tones.
So without thinking (my usual approach to painting) I went to and completed my little painting. I signed it and actually dated it 2011 which was weird and instinctual. I think in my head I felt this was finished last year but it just needed a touch of something and today all I’d really done was add that touch. It’s still without a name, (I’m so hopeless with coming up with names for my paintings quickly), but to me it reminds me of the inner emotion and energy we feel within. The intertwining of love, uncertainty, wonder, pure joy, uncertainty, and unfolding. A name I will ponder some more, but this little wonder is complete.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this new little painting. This is going to be for sale, although secretly I would love to hold on to this little piece of joy. I am going to add it to my “paintings” tab on here. And yes I will be uploading more images soon of my other paintings too. So much to do this month! And I am feeling much more myself again today. I’m invigorated, joyful, smiling, and feeling connected again with my inner being. Even after being kept awake from 2am by little mischievous munchkins (O” This really makes me think it’s actaully all about the inner souls wellbeing; our connection to our body, heart and soul.